やっぱり家族なんだなぁ…

はい。今日から二週間バイト無しです。
はぁ…バイト無しと言うと…お金がもらえねぇ…
留学のために貯金しているっていうのに…このままじゃダメになっちゃうんじゃない…

まぁ、この二週間を使って、カナダから帰ってきた親友といっぱい遊ぶっか…留学に行ったら二年も会えないからねぇ。

はぁ、でも突然28日までバイト無しって言われて…することがなくて…暇すぎて…
ヤバイね。

なにもすることがなくて、友達のブログを読んで、コメントして、読んで、コメントして…そして、ジェーンのブログで自分の従妹のブログを見つけたんです。

自分の従妹って言うのに…
なんでジェーンからのブログで見つけたんだ？

不思議だー・・・

そして、従妹のブログを読んで…やっぱり家族なんだね、と感心しました。
悩むことすら同じなんだなって。
自信の問題…全部同じなんだ。

従妹は同じ年、すごくちっちゃいで、かわいくて、美人で、頭もよくて…ってなに悩むことないじゃんって思えるぐらいな人だよな。うん。
でもそれは結局外見からって判断でよくないんだよね。そう決められてことがいやだよね。うんうん。自分のことちゃんと見てくれーっと。

どんな完ぺきな人でも悩み事の一つや二つもあるのだろう。ただどうやってその悩み事を解決するのが違うだけさ。うん。

でもそれって人生っていうもんだね。誰だっていつだって人間は自分の闇を持って生きつづけている。
時々自分の闇に負けて飲み込まれることもあるけど、負けることがあってもその闇に勝って、越えることもある。

それこそ生きがいがある人生っていうもんでしょうね。
いろいろなこと乗り越えて、少しだけ自分のこと好きになって…

自分の理想とはまだまだ遠いけど、これでいいんだ。少しずつ進んで生きるのも悪くない。
そして、中学から待ちに待ったこの留学。もうすぐなんだ！ｗｗ
やっと自分の夢にもう一歩進んだ。

これでいい。結果はいいか悪いかって問題じゃない。その経験が重要でさぁ。
九大への留学はきっと私の人生に大きい影響があると思う。

エアチケットとかはまだ買ってないけど、多分21日ぐらいそっちに行くかな…うんうん。
多分週末かな…うんうん。友達に「そうするように」と言われたし、しなかったら怖いから、多分週末に出発すると思うなぁ…

あ～ワクワクしてきた。うふふふ。
早く9月にならないかな～
でも行くとき多分母を連れて行きます…多分。まだ決めてないけどね（笑）だってその心配性のママは「福岡に行きたい。」って言ったし。学期が始まる前に、母に少し福岡の良さを紹介しなければいかんなぁ！

ってか何で反省文になってんだこれ？

LEMME SEE.
okie. a lot of things happened. until i cant remember WHAT exactly happened.
lemme think ar.
ok.

we finally met up with clarinda for her birthday =) and me being nice went for her graduation =) while thinking FOR her, i wore flats. and look weird in such a formal occassion. lol. but what the fuck.
and luckily i wore flats. if not i would be another 5 or more cms away from her =)
but anyway, i really want to upload senpai's video. although it has my ugly screeching voice. but i am being black mailed by clarinda. BECAUSE she has a lot of unglam videos of me, which i refuse to be seen in. there.

next, FLY IS HOMEEEEEE!! and now farna is gone =_= sigh. what to do what to do.
but yes, im obliged to spend as much time as i have with that bimbo girl. BECAUSE i wudnt see her for 2 fucking years. sigh. and i wudnt get to see her cambodian soup in sg. thats pretty sad too. haiya. what did we do. oh yes, we are on a mission here. that is rather impossible.
a mission to find me a good sunglasses.

i have a weird face.
trust me, i own it, i know =).
and it's not even about confidence problem. it's a fact that i've learnt to live with.
i have a weird face shape. i do.
according to gen, it's half oval, half rectangular.

go figure.

ANYWAY. what else.
OH YES, ess' surprise bdae partttyyyyy =)
i know we wun be ard babe, but u know we love u lots lots yes. for us to plan ur dec birthday bbq in july =)
hahahahahhahaha!
use ur webcam! and ur lingerie is still with me. haha. oops.
will pass to u REAL soon.

went over to my aunt's place yesterday. got free model shoes =) HAHAHA. and a few nice earrings. ok la. im a earring-whore la. what to do. my aunt made me take loads of clothes home.
and i realise generation gap really do exist. because my aunts' idea of 'sexiness' is pretty far from mine, or more like ours.
but yes, anyway... to relieve my aunt's frustration i brought home a few.

then then. oh yes. new resolution.
you know. i really always wanted to be like my mom. happily married with someone who really loves her and two 'devilish' kids (yes, i was devilish when i was young. as how gen and cal puts it --- i came from the pits of hell, and am part of lucifer) but yes. i was devilish. =)
but i can see my mom is really contended with life. i strive to be like her.
but now... i duno man. love is out of my picture.
thats definite.

i dun see myself being married. nono. scrap that. i dun see myself walking down the aisle in a church or a garden, and see someone i love at the end of the aisle waiting to take my hand and say and swear to god and the fat round priest (and yes, i watch too much anime, because some priest are always fat, old and teddy-bearish) with the words...

i do.

fuck that crap.
i still love kids. no doubt. i can be cheryl's kid's godma. or whoever. =) or more like im waiting for a nephew. not a niece as yet. have issues with that.
but i'll love my brother's kid like no other, i'll be his cool aunt like no one else. hah. that lucky piece of crap. but then again, im thinking too far.
but one thing is definite.

that kid is going to learn how to curse in japanese.
HAH. by auntie marisa. =)
kick ass future nephew/niece =DDD

but in any case. i want to build a nice steady career for myself. if i want sth, i'll get it myself. i dun need no man to finance my finances or my needs. cause i can jolly well finance me own spendings and i'll do it. to top it up, im going to take care of my parents. like how they did so for me years ago. =)
and when i have my own house. my parents going to get a room. and of course me a room. and a room for my mangas and collection. =) and my brother..............

im sure he can settle things himself.
either that, or he can have the spare toilet. =DDD HAHAHHAHA.
no la. im not mean.

he can have the store room. =)
it's a love-hate relationship. it really is. hahahhaha.

voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir

いきなりなんだけど、今週遊びすぎた。（笑）

うん。

夜遅くまで出かけたし、友達の家にも泊まったし、それにシンガポールで凄い有名なバンドのライヴにも行った…

来週がんばってバイトしなきゃ（苦笑）人生って時々いやですよね～

それをおいといて…

遊びすぎてた私に、母は文句なにも一つ言ってません。

すごくねぇ？！

あんな心配性のおかぁさんが…

なんでだろう。

これは…信用しているっていうヤツなのか？！

そうだったら、うれしいなぁ。

やっと！って感じだよね０（＾－＾）０

とにかく、うれしゅうでございます！ｗｗ

母を失望させないように、これからもがんばるわっ！

うむ。

今日は久しぶりに先輩と出かけた。相変わらずかわいいです！コスプレイを見るために（笑）

まぁ、私のうちの近くでいつもコスプレイのイベントとかいっぱいあるから、時々見に行くよね～暇つぶしのために…あははは。

ジェーンも行きたかったけど、生憎が仕事が入ったから、いけなくなったそうです。

それで、私への頼み……

ってか命令？！

「いっぱい写真とるようにね～」

っというわけで、いっぱい写真を撮りました。よかったら、最後まで見ててね～

OOOOK. marisa has been a wild child this week. PRETTY wild. yes.

considering that i wore that top. i went to hear Unxpected sing again. drink. dance. sing. stayed over.

thats like a lot in one week. woot.

and i think i should rest before we start all over again. but walawala is cool. i can go there again any other time.

but ex ar, the ride home. lol.

anyway, i realise how ppl i know read my blog, without me knowing. lol.

like cal. HAHA.

had dinner with that girl. ate salad and bitched a bit =) was fun. haha. dun mind another dinner together.

wala-ing with her was fun too =) and we both have parents... or more like mom-issues. HAHA

trusts and worrying. always the fucking problem.

it's totally understandable cal. =))

den we met agitated gen, because she didnt make it to the first set. but i got to finally see him (part of the reason why i went) and also saw another supposed cute guy (who was totally unattractive because he was a himbo. like totally) LOL.

anyway, me eyecandy who is a magician (HOW COOL IS THAT!?) came down with his gf.

they look super cute together!! =)) but gen kept teasing about his height. maybe thats why he left halfway. HAHA.

anyway, HIM! ok. ryte. HIM. erm. i have to say he looks his age. LOL. but he's a pretty nice guy. not bad looking la. totally YOUR type can. too manly for me la. HAHA. but not bad la. LOL. better than that himbo - this is definite =) so there.

erm. and we saw emel's friend? haha. turkish friends. the girls went WOO WOW with him. not bad la. got build, is cute.

haha. only cheryl was sane. HAHA. but obviously not her type la. hahah.

already cannot pass her 2nd criteria -- fair skin.

but owells.

but 2 sad things happened.

1.my shawl disappeare after starbucks yesterday.

2. my hp pouch cant be found. my poohbear =(

sigh.

life still goes on. but in anyway.

went out with senpai today. cause she wanted to go cosfest. gen was supposed to go too, but she had work. so i was asked/ordered to take photos.

took what I thought she liked. so yes. will upload at the end of the blogpost.

but u know, u'll never know how much u miss someone till u really meet him/her.

gods, i miss that little girl. HAHA.

and im missing a lot of people too.

sigh sigh.

anyway. PHOTOS!!!! gen, say u love me and senpai because of the amount of trouble u put us through.

i only took a few pictures of the cosplayers. cause erm. im not a big fan of cosplaying. senpai saw how i reacted and how i just go. omg. nonoonono. so yes. i have a huge emotional attachement and respect for my anime/manga characters. not a believer of cosplaying.

hence i only took those that i thought was really good. rozen maiden was cool i tot they did it pretty well. just that they were overly-sized. like they were taller than me, when in the anime they cant even reach the doors.

and i also took naruto. cause i know gen loves naruto. and this team is actually one of the best i think. i secretly think that they guy cosplayed as naruto and kakashi was cute. =) so yes. then... i took this messy group of people, consisting of D.gray -- erm. horrible. sorry. kanda was just. erm. ya.
i refuse to look at lavi. tyki was not bad thou.
anyway, that photo with messy bunch of anime... is not aout D.gray. look at the girl in blue uniform.
and see how short her skirt is. SEXY.

gods.

me and senpai saw her undies. HAHA.

owellssssss.
i then went out. and i saw

IRONMAN!

i think it was hella good job =)

i saw stitch, pikachu and po (kungfu panda) i couldnt find them to take a picture after that =( sad.

反省中・・・

ただいま帰りました。
つい先うちに戻ったんだけど…急に日記を書きたくなってきた。（苦笑）

なんでだろうね。

じゃじゃ～ん！写真！アップしたぞ！ どうだ！
新しい髪のスタイル！ｗｗ感想聞かせてねぇ～

今日はね～友達と夕飯をして、いろんなことを話した。
でも女同士でいると…やっぱり恋の話が出てくるのはなぜ？！決まりか、これ。
もちろん、友達はもう彼氏もちなんです。私は…あははは。ないです。

今はもうほしくないってぐらいかな？一生このままでもいいや～って感じ。
別に男がいなくても生きられるし…っていうかこの自由が好き。彼氏より、友達派なんだから。
だって、辛いときや嬉しいとき側にいってくれたのは我が自慢の友達。
友達がいなかったら、死ぬかも私。

でも女はみんな好きな人のために、変わるんだって。違いのはその大きさ。
それで、友達の一言に気にしている私です。

「マリサなら、友達じゃなくて彼氏を優先しそう」

そういったあと、笑った。冗談か、本気か…
私もワカリマセン。
でもそれだけはいやです。友達じゃなくて彼氏を優先するなんて…
私にはできこない。っていうか、想像できない。

でもそんなことはその状況じゃなきゃ、答えが出てこないのでしょうね。
私はそうしない自信はある。でも、答えるのは早すぎって友達に言われた。
そうだったら、やっぱり恋をしたくないっていうか、なんっていうか。

恋の話はここまで。

はぁ～なんか落ち込むよね。すっごい仲がいい友達にそれを言われたとはなぁ…
ショック。
あとショックを受けた一言は…

「マリサはさぁ、友達思いのはいいんだけど。マリサの場合はあつくなり過ぎていると思うよ、友達に関するとき。それはよくないと思うなぁ…」

やっぱり？
自分もよくわかっているけどね。こんな性格じゃ、友達にも迷惑かける。けど、なかなかその思いを整理することができない。
なぜだろう。
自分がなにをされても、いわれてもあんまり怒らないのに…友達になにをさわれたら、言われたら…ものすごく怒っているのはなんでだろう。
ほどほどにしないといけないよね。うん。

もっと大人にならなきゃ。うん。
とにかく、反省してます。

よ～し！明日もバイトあるから、寝るゾ！そして、ガンバリマス。ｗｗ

それから…最後。 その写真は確か昨日に撮ったんです。マジです。
でもね。私は自分の長い髪をあんなに短く切るのは…ありえない。度胸がありません（笑）
それはね、髪を結んでいたの。結んでいて、ベッドでゴロゴロしたあと。
鏡を見ると、おぉ！かっこいい！と思って、撮ってみた写真です。

騙して、ごめんなさい。そして、バカでごめんなさい。

just came home not long ago. went to eat simpang with cheryl.
because she don't like me and we need to rekindle the passion of fire. u know i love u cheryl. hahahaha.
shes been pretty mean to me lately. hahaha =)
so we were pretty amazing. we talked and talked and talked. from 7~11 and on the way home busride.
hahahhaha.
i also dont know what we talked about.
friends, love, relationship, prediction... kuching trip. HAHAHAHA
amazing la. the way we jump from topic to topic is superb.

and we got into a heated argument. HAHAHAH.
ok la. not argument. different opinions, different stands. =)
i believe she has her points, but i have my stands too la. wad to do la. hahaha =))
and i know when i come to my friends.

i get a little bit unreasonably illogically overprotective.

ok. not a little bit. a whole bit actually.
i know la. it's very obvious my trigger point.
and also my flaw. im pretty sure. hahaha.

actually, i don't know why im like tat too. by the time i know it... ppl saying and doing all sorts of funny things to me never mattered anymore.
but the way to piss the shit out of me is to hurt my friends.

somehow it just because like that. and sometimes i just shouldnt budge in where im not needed. but i guess i get illogical. and i want things to be done. so that all can go back to normal.
it's my selfishness i guess.
i love my friends. like seriously. the only people who were there for me when i needed a push, lift, pull, shoulder to cry on, ear to listen, smile... they were never any men i fell for, liked... or dated.
that's why i can never imagine myself to be a bf-orientated person.

or more like.
i can never forgive myself if i became one.
because, i've learnt. and i know that. my girls have done so much for me, that i can never return.
but i guess, i cant comment.

because like what i believe in --- love makes one stupid, blind and ignorant.

i might just change and be one. change is inevitable. i know.
because there is a new partner in life. who is supposedly going to be closer mentally and physically.
someone who will love you. and someone who u will love. someone who u want to live for and smile for, someone who u want them to smile and live a happy life together.
i understand.

but where do my friends come in then?
i don't think i can ever throw any of u girls out of the picture.
please la, one week of no-cheryl... i got withdrawal already can. hahaha.
i don't know man. was thinking about it on the bus ride home after lala got off the bus.
well... i know cheryl didnt expect me to think so much about the qns or topic. but it was just there. and i was just thinking about it.

maybe it's because i don't know whats love. maybe it's because i havent found the right guy. maybe it's because im just tired. maybe it's because im just a fucking coward. maybe it's just because im trying to protect myself. maybe it's just because... im scared of what i'll become.
i use to say... that i don't want to ever love again.
and it just show that... i don't know whats love, and i never loved him as much as i thought.
love never brought anything nice in my life. Love has a meaning. but it's a subjective one.
and i havent found my ans.

but then again. do i want to know?
love is bittersweet.
love is like dark chocolate.
friendship is like... bittersweet too.

we have our differences. we have our similarities.
isnt it the same? but i guess theres difference between love and friends.
hmmm. but it still doesnt explain why im like tat.

if my overprotectiveness gets out of hand... please do me a favor and tell me.
i don't want to aggravate any situation... and ya.
i don't know man... but seeing my family and friends get hurt.
hurts me more than anything. and i don't like it.

so in the end....
maybe im just doing this for myself. and saying that i love my friends is an excuse for me.
okkkk....

you know what. im starting to feel horrible. hahaha.
man, i suck.
but if anything is sure. i know that i love my girls.

this post is getting darker and darker by the moment. erm. paiseh?
hahahaha. im ok actaully. just wanted to write down my thoughts about everything.
haha. =)

cheryl asked me a passing qns.
'so to you, a close friendship is how much u confine to ppl and how much ppl confine to you about problems?'

i tot damn long. and i came up with this ans. it's not applicable to all.. but it's how i see it as...
'when we confine to each other, the good or the bad, it justs shows the trust we have. and isnt that what tight friendship is about, Trust?'

thats my view.
what do you think?

No Music, No Life

この世界で音楽がなかったら…命なんてなにもないだろう。
うん。

音楽があって、マジよかった。
だって、酒を飲んでないのに…初めて音楽で酔った。

い～や。あれはやばかった。うん。
今日友達のライブを見た後…適当に食べて…

あるPUBに行きました。すっごいいいバンドがあるって友達が言ってた。
そして…

一杯ワインを飲んで…バンドが始まった。
それから…もう凄いいい音楽をしてくれたんだ。聞いて、こっちもテンション高くなって…
もうどうでもいいや！

も～う、本当言葉にできないぐらいよかった。うんうん。今もまだドキドキしている。
やばいわ。

ドキドキして、頭の整理してなくて…日本語めっちゃくっちゃでごめんなさい。（笑）
もうね…毎週そのPUBに行きたい。どうしても行きたい。

こんな日記でごめんなさいね。もうどうやってこの気持ちを書けばいいか…自分もよくわかんないよね（笑）
混乱しすぎているよね～はぁはぁ・・・

今夜、寝れるかな？

if u think u saw THE marisa fucking high on alcohol. let me burst the bubbles and tell you.

that was NOTHING.

i realised tonight, that the only thing that can get me damn FUCKING high. with NO alcohol.
is freaking good music.

like GOOD live music.

ask gen.

i think i kinda scared her. and i swear it wasnt that one cup of wine.
marisa has alcohol tolerance, and knows when to stop.
but. this is different.

i went to cal's performance today. i love cal. =) she is so cool.
so after that, she introduced me to her band members.. er.. i only remember titus' (the bassist) name, cause i tot it was cool. :p
don't remember the brother's name who was the guitarist.owells. i think titus was more friendly la. HAHAHA.
ehhh.. wad else. ya. then we went holland V for supper. THEN. they said go wala wala.

me (in her thoughts): eh, i heard of it somewhere.

me (later on after being brought into the pub): OH. joash told me about this pub.

went in. not more than 5 mins. i was into the music.
and den. i was super into the music.

because.

the vocalist.

SHE IS HOT STUFF.
she sings fucking well. it's like OMG. i swear to god.
and good news for me. she's not straight apprently. =)

i will turn lesbian for her.
no joke.
i need no man to satisfy me. if i can have her. (ok, this sounds pretty stalkerish. but u get my drift)

she's too hot.
and she sings. and omg. her voice. omg. she'll be in my voice fetish list.
when she sings, she rocks the whole house. like WTF.

gods. i was suppose to be home after the first set.
but i couldnt make myself leave. i had to stay. even if it meant --> facing my mother's wrath.
it's worth the risk.
so i stayed. and this guy hit on gen. me and cal and titus were pretty sure he was. =)

and guess wad. well well well, he was the vocalist's brother.
small world. =)
so cool can. and thanks to gen. we got pretty near the stage. and we sang our lungs out.

this was what marisa, gen and cal did.
took off our heels. sing. dance.
by the second set. I WAS GONE.
i don't give fucking two shits about what others thought about me.
it was only me, friends and fucking good music. that was how amazing it was.
and when marisa gets FUCKING high. she starts kissing people.

on the cheek i meant.

and gen was there. she kena twice.
and she turned to titus and cal "i think she's gone"

you dont have to think. i was fucking gone.
i was drunk.

not on alcohol.
but on music.

they sang all the good favorites.
i will survive. gods. i love that song.

and i was damn fucking lucky. why?

because they sang

david cook's always be my baby.

i nearly died. no i was on my way to death.
me and gen were like omg.
and den there was also mr brightside. got damn high oso. we and gen were singing and dancing. woot!! =DD

i dont feel like ever clubbin anymore.
this is the bomb.
it was really the first time i let go of my chains, and set myself free.
ok, seriously i was crazy.

and to think that i try to act poise in front of ppl i just know.
who fucking cares about first impression man. screw it. i am going to have fun, and i believe i had the greatest fun ever with gen and cal and good music.
gods.

i don't think i can ever live without music. im so out of touch with english music la. actually im not into anything. lol. as long as its good i love it. except chinese songs ar. lol.
but gods. people. send me old rock songs. im loving it man.

and to think that joash and gen said that i can sing and i should jam with them.
hahaha.
after seeing that. i don't think i can ever do it.
that vocalist was good. too good.
me? i'll jus humilate myself man. haha.

but gods. i love music. =) don't think i can ever live without it. plays too big a role in my life.
and so do i love gen. =) for putting up with super fucking high marisa.
and so do i love cal. =) for making a smashing performance and buying me wine and dinner and bringing me to the pub.

gods. tonight was really the bomb.

PEOPLE.
off with your heels. sing till u soar. Dance till dawn.
but don't fucking stop.
cause music is the fucking BOMB.

hey. and it rhymes. not bad ar =D

髪切ります。

もう随分前のことなんだけど…

去年したイメチェンの髪…今までのばしました。
そろそろうざいんです。←

うん。うざいね。
いや。マジうざっ。（笑）
髪長すぎ！前髪も長すぎ！もう～
そういうことなんですから・・・明日、ジェーンと一緒に美容院行ってきます。うんうん。

これも随分前のことなんだけど…
リンダ先輩イメチェンしましたよ？その長い～長い～髪から、ショット？というかな？うん。まぁ、肩まで届かなかった長さにしたんだよ。
めっちゃくっちゃ可愛かったです。うん。
見たとき・・・

あらま～先輩も大人になりましたね！

って感じがしました！私より年上なのにね。うん。
でもそんな先輩は今もう就職してます。ｗｗｗ
がんばって朝早く起きているようです…あのいつも寝坊している先輩が…（笑）
一生懸命がんばっているんだよなぁ！ｗｗさすが先輩。

先輩～まだまだ先はな～がいから、頑張ってね！！応援してるよん～

ショットカットした先輩を見て、こっちもショットカットをしてみたいと思いました。
母に言うと…すっごい猛反対しました、母。

私の髪なのに？

でもまぁ…私も髪をあんな長さまで切る度胸は…全然ありません。
だって、似合わなかったら…家に出ません。絶対に。（笑）

うん。最近なんのスタイルが流行しているのかな？
私さっぱりわかんなくて…もう明日美容院行って「似合いそうなスタイルをしてください。お任せします」というつもりです（笑）

前髪は切ります。それだけは絶対です。アハハハ・･･･はぁ・・・
まぁ。結果はオーライになりますように。

そして、これも随分前のことなんだけど←
漸く携帯変わりました。我がデカ化け物携帯よ、お疲れ様でした。
そして、今使っている携帯さん、よろしく頼むぜ。

うん。
そうそう！昨日ジェーンと話したのね…なんでか自分もよくわかんないけど…会話はドンドン変な方向に行きました。

い～やだな。あんなことじゃないから、安心してええよ？（笑）

まぁまぁまぁ、ジェーンの質問「なんの漫画にトリップしたい？」ってよ。
前の話題は髪のことなのに、突然漫画にトリップってね。

そのお陰で、午前2時に凄いもりあげていて、よく寝られなかった。それで、今日のバイトで居眠りしそうでした。（苦笑）
今もまだねみぃです。

ちなみ、その質問の答え…
私は是非是非、ピスメにトリップしたいなぁ…新撰組はやばいでしょう（笑）ｗｗｗ新八さんファンだし…
KYOもいいな…真田幸村さまの心を癒したい～ってか癒されたい～ｗｗｗ
完全に腐女子やね。まぁいい。
ジェーンはブリーチにトリップしたいそうです（笑）彼女らしいや。

sleepy. tired.
anyways. im finally going to cut my long mane... yes. it's called mane, because it's messy. anyway im going to cut my hair tml.
=D
with gen
double =D
so yes. still haven exactly decided on what i wana do with it.
but im definitely cutting my fringe. too long already. den maybe i'll ask the guy what he suggest.
i dun have the guts to cut my hair short. lol.
most prop i'll layer and keep my length. maybe i'll cut gen's hair. shall see.
but in any case. going to cut my hair.

anyway i had a talk with gen yesterday. haha. we got pretty crazy, cause i got pretty high.
cause she asked me which comic would i like to go to if i could.
so these are the comics i thought off...

Rurouni Kenshin: i would really love to see kenshin. but i dun wana spoil my image of him. he is afterall 158cm. but it might be cool to see his eye color change when he switch personalities. i would drop dead thou, cause he would be too hot to handle. Kenshin and kaoru are meant for each other. so im happy with them being manga and me being outside of the picture. cause i love both of them. but then again, kenji is hot too. or maybe enishi. =D

Prince of Tennis: ok. errr, i dun play good tennis. and the boys in there will just not like me. BUT IN ANY CASE. there are too many hot guys in it. TOO MANY to choose from. theres like atobe, bunta, niou, akaya... and too many with hot voices.. ooooommmmggggg. so no. prince of tennis is too extreme.

inuyasha: inuyasha belongs to kagome. =D if i ever want to go into that series, it would be purely for 2 reasons. ONE, touch inuyasha's ear. TWO, sleep on sesshomaru's fluffy, pillow-like, comfy looking tail.

Ghost Hunt: as the title suggest. horror manga filled with hot men. horror = no marisa. i would drop dead by the first book. too much for me to handle.

Ouran: i like the twins. and actually everyone. and i like haruhi. hikaru only has eyes for haruhi. so i'll be rather sad.i like the way things are in ouran. erm, except they broke up my darling twins. but ya. i can live with it i guess. it would be so cool, if i get to be like the bride for the twins. OMG. HAREM =DDDD ok. ya. too much novels.

Fruits Basket: all the characters i like ended up with the girls i like =) so its cool. I wudnt mind going in there for momiji, he is french. half french at least. and he is half japanese. and i would like to say he is growing tall and he is fucking hot. =D

Zombie Loan: i love chika. i love michiru. i love zarame. i love zen. i love yomi and koyomi. i love yuuta. but there are zombies. so i dun think i can survive a day there.

D.gray-man: i love lavi. i love kanda. i like allen. i like komui. i love jasdevi. i love tyki. but lenalee is getting on my nerves. but she seems to be getting stronger now, although i dun like the fact that lavi likes her. but fine. if i go there, i wud be torn. cus i like the exorcists and i also like the noahs. MY DARLING TWINS. =) i dun like dilemmas.

Shonen Onmyoji: GUREN!! SUZAKU!! erm erm... SEIRYUU!! erm erm... YOUNG SEIMEI!! erm erm... errrrrrrrrr... KOU!!! and and RIKUGO! im more into guren thou. =)

Slam Dunk: like prince of tennis, too many hot guys. HOW TO CHOOSE. i would root for rukawa thou =) gods, i love his seiyuu. either him or sendo. =DD WEEE. if not maki would be good. omg. so hot. spoilt with choices.

Takeru: I don't mind going in there for Oguna, but it's in the midst of a war. and the girls who fight garang-ly... all have to cut off their left boob to prove their warrior-ness. i dun like pain. i like to keep my boobs thank you. so maybe not.

what else.. cant remember. read too much. anyway.. i've decided on 3 mangas that i would love to go in.

1. peacemaker kurogane: i love shinsengumi. and i love samurais and ninjas, i love history. so i need to explain more? HAHAH. shinpachi~~~is love. gawds. lovelovelove. i love his freckles laa... omg. so damn cute. shinsengumi... hurhurhurhurhurhuhru another harem.=D explains why all the more i would love to go.

2. Samurai Deeper Kyo: i love this manga. and hot guys are all available. and i love sanada yukimura. and he is fucking hot. and he has a wonderful voice. and sasuke is all grown up. hotaru is a pirate and shinrei has specs... *nosebleeds* pants pants pants. oh and did i mention this series have HOT voices for their characters? ya. they do... and omg. =D

3. Amatsuki: i love kon. i love tsuyugusa. i love bonten, i love historical japan and i do love current japan. and only in amatsuki i get the best of both worlds. with hot guys and pretty girls. why not? actually ya man. amatsuki sounds good to me. HAHA.

Other than manga, i wouldnt mind going into Darling Backlash, my otome game. HAHA. oh god, i love hayato. =D and kouga. I wouldnt mind going into gintama as long as i do not see their version of shinpachi which i will never acknowledge. but i would go there to see 3 ppl.
-shogo
-toshi
-gintoki
ya. they shall keep me entertained.

i think i have talked too much rubbish. Clare once asked me...
would u marry a REAL guy or a guy from the anime.

i think my answer will still be the same.
i wana marry a guy from the anime or manga... =)
i sound crazy. but trust me, when i was in the deepest pain they were there for me, somehow or rather. and i know i can always turn to them. because the REAL guys will push me to the pit. unreal men are a form of rope for me to keep on going. =)
i sound pretty psycho. oh man.
but it's cool =)

Cigarettes

最近別になにもなかったけど、なんとなく、英語の日記を書きたくなったから…
今日は英語だけです！すまん！（笑）

I think today is a good day.
this post is my 300th post in this blog.
and i finally found a song that belongs to me and... i think it will stay with me and will keep my standing on my two legs and move on.
ya.
i feel a lot better after hearing this song.
everything in this song just reflected what i really felt all these year being single and suddenly having some random guy... ok not so random lar k.. being in my life.
picking me up, just to throw me back down again.
truthfully speaking. i was just thinking about him this afternoon. emoing a bit here and then.
finally come to my senses that he thought i was hot because he was drunk, hence doing and saying things he never meant.
it hurt for awhile thou. like... he said i was goodlooking because he was drunk.
which means... im not that hot afterall. lol
which is OUCH. to think i was really happy that he said what he said and did what he did and intiated what he initiated. seriously. i was REALLY happy. but ya. love is not sth for marisa lar. have come to my senses.
it's ok. like really. i'll always have a soft spot for him. no doubt about that.
but i think i'm starting to learn to let go slowly. not grasping frantically for sth anymore.

there was nothing. =) it's ok now.

what ever happens in the club, stays in the club. i just have to learn. =)
and marisa is happy. like really. for so much that has happened, for so much emo-ing.
i've come to conclude that, friends are all i need. =) you babes and dudes know who u are.

but you know. revenge is always sweet. i've been thinkin and smiling to myself.
im gonna watch my diet, do some small exercises at home. get rid of some fats on my tummy. dress nice,get some nice lingerie.
and you know what. make myself hotter.
and make him regret.

this is what you lost dude. HAH!
in your face. HAHAHAH =)

but i dun think it's possible. but no harm trying yes? HAHAHAHHA =))
anyway, i shall end off with the lyrics. take a read and you'll realise why it is totally so marisa.
maybe i should start smoking.HAHAHAHAHA. (i won't la k. i will go buy those ciggie sweets. act poser. still can pull off. gen said that i have a smoker's seh. HAHA)
=)


Cigarettes - The Wreckers
Got my headlights shining
Down an old dirt road
Smoke my cigarettes
I should quit I know

The radio's playing
Old country songs
Someone's leaving, someone's cheating
On and on

I think I might like
The quiet nights
Of this empty life

[Chorus]
'Cause someday maybe
Somebody will love me like I need
And someday I won't have to prove
'Cause somebody will see
all my worth but until then
I'll do just fine on my own
With my cigarettes
And this old dirt road

See I left another
Good man tonight
I wonder if he'll miss me
Lord knows I tried

But I think that maybe
The thing that I did wrong
Was put up with his bullshit
For far too long

I think I might like
The quiet nights
Of this empty life

[Chorus]

I ain't gonna sleep
I ain't gonna dream
About the things that I used to need
I ain't gonna cry
Or go on living lies
I'm just gonna drive

[Chorus 2x]

聞いてよぉ～

ジェーンはね～

毎週の金曜にPubでライヴをしているんだよね。
それでね… 私いつもっていうほどじゃないや… まぁ…毎月多分…2、3回見に行くんだよね。高校の友達と。
で、昨日行きましたね。大勢に。何人だったっけ… 7人ぐらいかな？うん。

んでね…めっちゃ久しぶりにあった友達は、突然…

男1「なぁ、歌ってよ。」
私「ジェンが歌っているんじゃないか？」
男1「違う。マリサに言ってんだ。」
私「は？！歌う？私が？」
男1「おぉ。なぁ、いいだろう。久々マリサの歌聞きたい。」

よくねぇし。ってか、そのステージで歌ってって！？ありえない。 マジありえない！ コイツ何考えているの？！って

彼が言い出した提案… ほかの5人も突然…

歌ってよ～とかいいじゃん～とか… ヤバイ。
ジェーンに言ったら、確実に歌わなければならなくなる！
だって、いつもライヴを見に行くと「歌う～？」と聞いてくるんだから！
ヤバイヤバイ。

それでね…友達みんな、ジェーンに言いました。
「マリサ、歌いたいって！歌わせてよ～」

このうそつきめ！！言ってないし、思ってないし！ うわ…そして、ジェーンがやってきた。

終わりだ。

きっとステージに引っ張っていくんだ。 そして、予想とおり…知らないうちに。

ステージ。目の前にいる、友達のカメラ。
うざっ（笑）

それに、私歌わない歌わないっと騒いだから、友達酒を飲ませた。
何杯も。ジェーンもね。うん。 このヤロー（笑）今度絶対に仕返しするんだから。

んで。歌ったね。うん。
はぁ…そして、飲んだあとの顔…真っ赤ね。いつものお約束。

i cant believe you guys made me go up gen's stage and sing.
LISTEN!! GEN & CAL's GIG.
not MARISA's GIG?!
lol.
GEN & CAL'S GIG ----> gen & cal sing. not marisa.
its a pub. not karaoke studio lar.

walao. u want to hear me sing, u pluck microphone in ur house i sing for you and you only lar kenneth. bull shit.
"i come hear to hear you sing leh moo"

my ass lar. HAHA.
i called u out by saying ----> "eh, you wana go hear my fren sing?"
not ---> "eh, you wana go hear me sing?"

SSSSSSSSSSLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

THEN CAME CALVIN.
i swear, i take back all i said about that man being nice.
he is the personification of irritating. like with a capital I man.

irritate me the night before the gig.
irritate me at the night of the gig.
bully me!!

boo! make me tah tah tah! BASKET.
i thank my grandparents for the strong alcohol tolerance in my genes.
GODS.

'drink drink, ice lemon tea'

FUCK YOU LAR! its bloody long island tea!!! LOL
KNN! HAHAHAHHA!!

ESS! whine whine whine, make me drink ur vodka orange. nono. not drink
TAH your orange vodka.

kenneth! also whine whine whine, make me tah, make me embarrass myself in front of the crowd by suggesting me go sing!

cheryl! you were suppose to my savior. look at me bigbig eyes.
MOO! cheers to our friendship!! tah!

SLLLLLAAAAPPPP

lol. ya la. i tah my whisky dry, u stupid child sip.
basket.

den i decided to seek refuge by going to yuqin and joash.

yuqin *in his low monotonous voice* marisa, tah tah.

SLLLAPPP

joash just cant laughing.

NOT HELPING YES?!

so ya. den gen.
dun think im lettin u off the hook.

basket.
pull me to the stage. make me sing. SLAP.

next time i should stick to cal. T_T

so anyway. i think im starting to be a paramore fan. like a newbie. =)
their songs are quite cool. the lyrics are like AWESOME.
love misery buisness man. GO LISTEN. gods.

i've learnt my lesson. next time. im not gonna call kenneth to gen's gig. not anymore. LOL

Misery Business
Paramore

I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top
She's got a body like an hourglass it's tickin' like a clock
It's a matter of time before we all run out...
When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth
I waited eight long months, she finally set him free
I told him I couldn't lie, he was the only one for me
Two weeks and we'd caught on fire
She's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smile

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God does it feels so good
'Cause I got him where I want him now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God it just feels so...
It just feels so good

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change
Once a whore, you're nothing more, I'm sorry that'll never change
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
I'm sorry honey, but I passed it up, now look this way!

Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,
They want and what they like, it's "easy if you do it right"

Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God does it feel so good
'Cause I got him where I want him right now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God it just feels so...
It just feels so good...

I watched his wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving...

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now...
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God does it feels so good
'Cause I got him where I want him now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God it just feels so...
It just feels so good